Aftermath
by ThePreciousHeart
Summary: After the duel at Water 7 between Usopp and Luffy, the crew gets settled into their hotel rooms. Nami takes the chance to go in and talk to Luffy. She finds it difficult to deal with him on top of the emotional upheaval of the day. (AKA, Luffy is stubborn, Nami is in denial, and Water 7 emotionally wrecked me.)


"C'mon, guys. It's been a long day. What's best for us now is to get some sleep." Those were the last words Nami heard before Sanji slipped out of the room, off to see if the hotel service would bring up a folding bed and food.

For once in her life, she wished she could heed Sanji's advice. A "long day" was the epitome of an understatement. Exhaustion swamped Nami from head to toe, and she wanted nothing more than to sink down onto the comfy bed provided for her and sleep for at least a week.

However, every time her eyelids flickered closed, heartrending images began to silently play against them, starting from the moment that she had learned the Going Merry could not be repaired, to when she had come across Usopp beaten half to death in the street, to the awful and excruciating duel she had just watched what felt like mere seconds ago. No matter how badly Nami wanted to sleep, she couldn't stop seeing Usopp's bloody, tearstained face as he lay defeated in a crumpled heap on the ground, a face that she refused to accept she would never see again. Her mind's eye jolted her up each time.

To prevent these painful images from invading her again, Nami sat up and drew her knees to her chest, scoping out the size of the room she found herself in. Despite the most recent thievery of their hard-won Skypeian money, there had still been enough vestiges tucked away to rent out two rooms at the hotel. Of course, the little amount only ensure that they could stay there for just one night, but it was the thought that counted. Nami's weary brain wasn't sure who had made the suggestion at first- Zoro had been the first to insist they must leave, but Sanji specifically brought up the hotel- but it was a decision that, once made, could not be vetoed. No one had the energy for arguments, or the clear head to come up with another alternative. A hotel room had been proposed, and it was a hotel room they had gotten.

A hotel room which was, at the moment, nearly vacant. Sanji was busy bothering the hotel service, and Chopper had gone with him. Ostensibly he had tagged along because he would be sleeping in the folding bed Sanji was trying to get a hold of and found it necessary to offer his input, but Nami suspected that he was also desperate for a distraction. Not that she could blame him; his emotional hysterics had rivaled them all during the evening's duel, and it was clear he was still reeling from Usopp's departure. _Well, we all are, really,_ Nami immediately corrected herself in her head. Everyone except maybe Zoro. He'd taken the room next door, but hadn't stayed there longer than a minute before he had gone out, likely escaping to the roof via window. Nami couldn't help but wonder if he was going to sleep there, or if he was mulling over what he had said back at the _Going Merry_ and whether or not it was out of line. Then again, she had a deep suspicion that Zoro would sleep untroubled, with a clear conscience tonight.

That made three of the boys missing _(not four, you'll have to get used to it, just three, not four),_ which left only Luffy as the sole occupant of the hotel rooms alongside Nami. He'd taken the adjacent room with Zoro, but Nami hadn't heard or seen him leave yet. A dizzying feeling rippled through her as she pushed her hand through her hair and stared at the connecting door, burning with the curiosity to know how Luffy was doing behind it. Everything past the evening duel had been a total blur in Nami's consciousness, obscured by tears and trauma, but she had been partially dragged from the depths of her own misery by the sound of Luffy's sobs. At that moment it had meant nothing to her- Chopper was crying, she was crying, Usopp was crying, why shouldn't Luffy cry as well? Now that the muddled images and feelings were flooding back to her, though, Nami's heart began to beat faster as she stared at the door. She had never seen Luffy that upset before, hadn't even thought of him capable of such deep emotion. And now that everything was quiet and she was left alone, Nami realized she couldn't recall if she had heard Luffy say a word during the trek to the hotel and the settling-in. For someone who normally never shut up, such behavior was highly concerning.

The door began to encompass all of her attention, each sense focused on it, until at last Nami couldn't ignore her feelings anymore. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to go check on Luffy after such a tumultuous day- and while she was still raw and open with pain as well- but damn it, if being curious didn't give her the much-needed feeling of life again. And besides, it was _Luffy_ behind that door. Shouldn't a navigator's duty involve knowing her captain's mood as well as the climate?

As Nami's fingers slipped around the doorknob, it occurred to her that perhaps Luffy hadn't come out of the room since entering it because he had fallen asleep just as she longed to do. After all, he was likely just as exhausted as she was… But Luffy wasn't Zoro. He wasn't the type to put past events behind him as soon as possible, or to deal impassively with setbacks. In her heart, Nami felt sure that the images behind Luffy's eyelids were just as bad as hers, if not even worse.

The door creaked open at the mercy of Nami's hand, revealing her suspicions to be correct- Luffy wasn't asleep at all. However, just one look at him made Nami wish he was. He didn't react as she closed the door behind her and stood awkwardly in place with her hands clasped before her. Not even a blink of the eye showed that he had noticed her arrival. Those eyes remained fixated on the ceiling overhead, captivated by it as if it was made of precious gold (or precious meat, in Luffy's case). His gaze was as frozen as the rest of him, sprawled out on the bed with his hands tucked behind his head. To Nami, such a sight was utterly _wrong_. Many a time she had secretly rejoiced at Luffy's quiet demeanor when they were alone together, how still and gentle he was in private. This time, though, she found herself wishing fervently for her captain's normal hyperactive behavior. _Just sit up and smile like you always do. Wave at me, ask what's going on, ki- …kiss me… Come on, Luffy. Please start acting like yourself. It's not like you to be- please, I can't…_

The struggle to keep from voicing these thoughts was unusually difficult, but Nami finally managed to wrestle them to the back of her brain. A shaky sigh crossed her lips instead, stirring the dead air that filled the room. "Luffy?" Instantly the sound of her own voice made Nami cringe- she sounded small, worn out, _weak._ Her voice was the voice of a dependent kid, not the resilient woman she knew herself as. However, it was still enough to finally break Luffy from his reverie. Turning his head, he stared out at Nami with a familiar dulled incomprehension in his eyes. "What?"

"Uh…" Nami's hands twisted around themselves as she tried to think of what exactly she wanted to say. Now that she was here, she knew Luffy was awake, but she didn't know how he was feeling- and to ask how he was feeling was impossible. Not even the aftermath of an emotional event could bring her to show him how _concerned_ she was, how much she _cared…_

"I just… wanted to see what you're up to," she said instead, idly biting her lower lip and wishing she didn't feel so awkwardly vulnerable. On any other day, such an inquiry would sound perky, but now Nami found it difficult to even put any shred of interest into it.

"Oh," Luffy replied, and for a second Nami thought she read disappointment in his face- but she must be just projecting. "Nothing much. What 'bout you?"

 _What FASCINATING conversation._ Not that their usual dialogue consisted of much else, but Nami was acutely aware that now they were just acting. Conversations that had once seemed rich with hidden meanings now became pale shadows of what had been.

 _I'm checking in on you, idiot._ But of course that couldn't be said- could never be admitted. Instead of answering, Nami ignored the question and gazed upwards, waiting until the ceiling overhead had enclosed her before deeming it safe to ask one of hers. "Never mind. How are you?"

"I'm fine," Luffy said, sounding as if he hadn't given his own emotional state so much as a cursory thought. "How are YOU, Nami?"

 _Fine…?!_ Sharply Nami exhaled through her nose and brought her gaze back down to stare at Luffy, whose eyes were quite firmly rooted to her. He still wore a blank expression, almost akin to a mask that Nami couldn't peel off no matter how she tried.

 _One of your friends- OUR friends- just dueled you and left us, and you're saying you're FINE? What planet are you from?_

" _I'm_ fine," she mumbled tersely back, her hands slowly clenching and unclenching. Dammit, how was she supposed to get a word in now? If Luffy had answered differently, she might feel freer to express herself, but now she had to fight for an excuse to stay in the room. Why did Luffy have to make things so _difficult_ all the time? A wall of tension rumbled across the room like static electricity in the air, blocking Nami off from Luffy.

After the silence had stretched for two seconds too long, though, Nami couldn't help but blurt it out. To hell with playing it cool, she _needed to know_. "Are- are you okay, Luffy?"

Mild surprise colored Luffy's expression, but he answered nonchalantly. "Yeah, see?" He held up his arms, turning them from side to side so Nami could see every angle of his flesh. "I'm rubber, remember?"

A heat wave of exasperation surged through Nami, burning so fiercely inside her chest that it knocked out the heaviness that had been in it all night. "You think I don't know that?! That's _not_ what I meant, i-"

But the word died on her tongue before it could escape. Now was not the time to go off on Luffy, much less any of her friends. Instead Nami swallowed and pulled in a breath through her nose, hoping it would steady her. "I didn't mean physically… I just… I…"

Dammit, why was it so hard to admit affection when it came to Luffy? If hard-pressed, Nami felt she would freely confess her love for Robin, Chopper, and Usopp. If it was a matter of life and death, she'd immediately tell Sanji and Zoro, too. But when it came to Luffy, just looking at him now or even thinking about him made Nami sense the noose tightening around her neck, or the executioner's blade hovering dangerously above her head. If three words were enough to save her from the gallows, Nami wasn't sure she would be able to get them to leave her mouth- even if they were pounding clear as day inside her heart and mind.

"I wanted to know how you were feeling!" she burst out at last, and immediately resisted the urge to bring her fingers to her mouth. Every nerve told her to shrink into herself, to turn her back and walk away from this conversation… but Luffy's impassive, emotionless face kept her rooted to the spot.

"Oh," he said, as nonchalantly as ever, but somehow Nami sensed he understood more than he was letting on. Sometimes she saw- or thought she saw, anyway- flashes of insight that ran deep through Luffy's eyes, but it was always hard to tell if she was imagining it or not. This time, though, Nami felt sure that Luffy had known what she meant all along, and was merely waiting for her to spit it out.

"Like I said, I'm fine." He shrugged. "How 'bout you?"

"I…" Nami's hands twitched, and she clamped down on one wrist to keep it from meeting her forehead and massaging her temples. The surge of heat inside her drained away, leaving her feeling empty, shaken, and hollow once again. _Can't this just end already…_

"Are you sure?" she said, her voice dropping a few decibels. The energy and desire to shout had left her. "I just thought… you might want company…"

"'Course I'm sure." Now Luffy was starting to sound the slightest bit peeved. "You can stay here if you want. Zoro's out on the roof."

 _The roof._ Instinctively Nami glanced towards the large window in the center of the wall to her right; her assumption regarding Zoro's whereabouts had been correct. "Thanks." Her word was nearly a whisper as she stepped forward, making for Luffy's side… then the implication of his statement caught up to her and she hastily diverted her direction, heading for Zoro's bed and sitting gingerly down.

For a few short moments, nothing was spoken. Luffy switched into his regular sitting position with his feet pressed against each other on the bed, and Nami backed up so that her back was pressed carefully against the wall. She folded her arms across the top of her knees, inspecting the room with her eyes for a few minutes. However, the sight held very little interest; all it managed to do was keep her from having to lay eyes on the pirate captain sitting right across from her…

"Nami?" And there it was. Reluctantly Nami dragged her eyes to meet Luffy, hoping that her face was blank enough (or Luffy was dense enough) to hide her emotions. "What?"

"You never answered the question." His statement was casual, as if it didn't matter to him whether she did or not, but Nami knew right away what he wanted. Her eyebrows came together in a stony glare.

"Why d'you keep throwing my questions back at me? I said I was fine!"

"But you were really upset before," Luffy stated matter-of-factly, with only a hint of concern to showcase his thoughts. "I just-"

" _You_ were upset too!" Nami straightened up and leaned forward towards the edge of the bed, feeling the heat of irritation inflate her once again. What was Luffy's problem? It had been an upsetting, stressful day for all of them- why should he focus only on Nami? "Why do you care about _me_ all of a sudden? There's no point in focusing on just one person. You need to take care of _yourse_ -"

"I _don't_ need to take care of myself!" Luffy suddenly shouted back, so abruptly that it unnerved Nami. She stared speechless as his expression shifted from the empty, uncomprehending look to sparks of anger. A slight shiver traveled through her bones- normally a look like that was reserved for enemies like Eneru or Crocodile. To be on the receiving end of it was a new and terrifying experience.

"Of course I'm not okay. This was the worst day of my life! But _none_ of us are okay, so what I feel doesn't matter! You're my friend, so of course I care about you! Stop acting so _stupid!_ "

The heat in Nami's chest began to spread upwards, towards her face. Weakly she stared back at Luffy, completely lost for words in the aftermath. It wasn't that his yelling at her had surprised her, or really that he was being honest… no, "honesty" wasn't the word for it. Luffy was always honest with her, with everyone. It was the raw openness that surprised Nami, because she had never heard Luffy admit to not being okay. In fact, now that she thought about it Luffy rarely ever expressed concerns for himself at all. It was always his best friends he was concerned with, always thinking of ways to help the crew… Was it honorable to ignore himself in favor of his loved ones, or was it made of pure foolhardiness? Nami's heart hardened as she leaned towards the latter. Selfishness was a sin, surely, but Luffy should be able to afford it occasionally.

"I… don't like seeing you like this," she admitted quietly, letting her head drop to her chest. Luffy's biting response, however, snapped her head right back up.

"If you don't like it," he said in an unusually cold tone, "you can leave."

Nami's cheeks grew even warmer, as if she had been suddenly struck across the face. Air fled rapidly from her lungs. Did he mean…? No, he must have spoken thoughtlessly. Surely Luffy wouldn't want to risk losing any more of his friends whom he cared so much for… But after losing one already today, he should have realized…

 _Just get rid of your dead weight and move on before they can slow you down_ _ **!**_ _…You don't want weak people on your crew, do you?_ __Ghostly remnants of Usopp's voice rang in Nami's ears, and though she tried to tell herself that wasn't what Luffy meant at all, she couldn't help but feel… rejected. On multiple levels.

 _Fine. Have it your way, for once in your life._ Silently Nami slid to the edge of the bed and got to her feet, heading straight for the door. She didn't dare cast another glance towards Luffy. However, just as she reached for the doorknob, soft fingers slipped around her wrist.

"I'm sorry…" The apology rumbled low in Luffy's throat as Nami turned to see that he had reached out from the bed, his body stretching to meet her. His eyes were averted and obscured by the brim of his hat, but the guilt filling the rest of his face spoke for itself. "I didn't mean to sound…"

"I know," Nami whispered softly, and damn it, the heat in her cheeks had finally reached her eyes. She didn't try to shake Luffy off of her, refused to resist his touch, and certainly couldn't find it in her to complain when he looped his arm tightly around her waist and hauled her towards him. Though in public Nami carried on just as much as the next crewmate when Luffy tried pulling a stunt like that, somewhere deep inside her she knew with all her heart that he would never let her fall.

Together they tumbled back onto the bed, Luffy's arms holding Nami in place and cradling her against his chest. She threw her arms around his neck, doing nothing to stop them both from plummeting into the mattress. Gently Luffy rested his chin on Nami's shoulder, fitting directly into the spot between her cheek and neck as if he belonged there. In return, Nami buried her face in Luffy's shirt, taking in the deep scent of ocean and grilled meat and rubber that permanently lingered there. Her grip on him tightened, breath hitching in her throat. All she wanted to do was melt against Luffy's chest and memorize the beating of his heart until it became her life's soundtrack.

She wasn't sure if any more tears were shed over the course of those long minutes they lay together. On his part, anyway- if there were, he was remarkably still and silent. On Nami's part, however, she was acutely aware of each tear that slid down her cheeks and soaked into Luffy's shirt. She longed to reverse their flow, hating their presence, but they continued to come despite her wishes. She cried erratically, quietly weeping one minute and sobbing the next, and all the while Luffy held her without a word.

Eventually after several moments of quiet breathing, of tangled limbs and shared warmth and endless comfort, Nami made the effort to pull away from Luffy's embrace. He let her go easily without resistance, propping himself up with one elbow and then sitting up fully. As Nami sat up and wiped her eyes, a hand shot out and caught hers, placing the palm flat against her cheek. Startled and vulnerable, Nami met Luffy's gaze.

"Did I make you cry?" he said, worry mixing with inquisitiveness in his voice.

Part of Nami wanted to snap and ask what kind of a question that was, but the walls had fallen, and she felt too drained to pretend to be angry. "No…" she murmured, closing her eyes and threading her fingers through Luffy's. Thank goodness Zoro was out on the roof, and no one else was in the other room… Thank goodness for this small scrap of alone time.

Luffy gave Nami's hand a squeeze before releasing her and reaching again to brush the tears off her cheeks. Nami opened her eyes to find him gazing directly it her, his face inches from her own.

"Today was crap, but tomorrow's going to be better, okay?" he said, so convincingly that Nami was inclined to believe him. "We can't live in the past. We have to keep going. Even if it means leaving some of us behind." The very idea of this seemed to physically pain him, and Nami guessed that this was merely the result of letting Zoro's words sink in too long. If it were up to Luffy, he would be calling to negotiate with Usopp to let him back into the crew right away. At the same time, though, Nami knew that sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing were the same. She remembered her painful conversation with Luffy earlier that night. Luffy would stand by the outcome of the evening duel for as long as it took for tides to turn.

Nami nodded, and Luffy reached up to press his other hand to her cheek, pushing some loose strands of orange hair away from her face. He leaned in, and Nami eagerly submitted, closing her eyes in preparation. But instead of the lips, the only contact made was against the forehead, Luffy's pressing calmingly against her. Shakily Nami opened her eyes, to find that Luffy's eyes were closed. He seemed to steady himself against her, one hand sneaking into her hair to pull them even closer together. The brim of his hat gently ticked her head.

At last Luffy let his hands drop and they separated, staring at each other for a moment before Nami allowed her lips to turn up into a very faint, but wholehearted smile. It wasn't much, but it was a start. Quickly she leaned in and pressed her lips to Luffy's cheek, right below the scar under his eye, before hopping off the bed. Tonight his skin tasted like saltwater- maybe he had cried when they were holding each other after all. Or maybe he was just unashamed. After a second, Luffy returned the weak smile, which filled Nami with enough warmth to turn her back on him. "Goodnight, Luffy." Her captain would be all right on his own. She made for the door.

"Goodnight, Nami." He sounded as if he wasn't looking forward to the night at all, but at least he had the decency to return her statement. Sighing lightly, Nami started to turn the doorknob- and that was when it hit her.

 _Should I say it? Is now the time?_ She'd waited long enough to hear it from Luffy, but maybe if she spoke it first he would be bound to react…?

But the platform gave out beneath her feet instead, and the axe came crashing onto her neck. Nami walked out the door with her resolve crumbling away. Not even the threat of death could save her from expressing such a powerful emotion.

After reentering her own room, it was only a few minutes before Sanji and Chopper returned, pushing not one, but two folding beds through the door. "Hey, Nami," was Sanji's only greeting, tossed her way like an afterthought- quite different from the effusive, loving gushes he usually offered her. From her vantage point on the bed, Nami watched as Chopper switched from his walking point into the small, more humanlike form she knew him to use. She rested her elbows on her knees.

"Why'd you bring two beds?"

Sanji took the time to light a cigarette and take a drag before answering. "In case Robin shows up. She must be wondering where we are. I asked the receptionist downstairs to ring our room if she stops by."

Although the idea that Robin would choose this one hotel out of the hundreds in Water 7 was somewhat laughable, Nami couldn't help but be impressed by Sanji's devotion. Then… _Robin._ The thought of her friend wandering the streets looking for the rest of the crew sunk a heavy stone into Nami's heart, and so she blocked it out and turned her full attention to Sanji.

"How much did that cost? I thought we only had enough money for one…"

"It's enough," Sanji said, in a way that suggested the matter was closed. Nami had a feeling he was worried what her reaction would be if she found out he had spent too much money on a bed that might not even be used, but to tell the truth she couldn't even bring herself to get worked up over it. _Luffy was right- none of us are okay._ Not even the thought of money was bringing Nami her usual happiness.

She also noticed, after Sanji pushed the extra bed into Luffy and Zoro's room and helped Chopper unfold his, that Sanji wasn't quite his usual self either. Although he had reacted stoically to the events of the night, Nami noticed he wasn't fussing over her, to the point of almost ignoring her existence. He wasn't even asking if she was comfortable or insisting they push the beds together or anything- just asking if she wanted the light out before crawling into bed.

It also didn't escape her, when the door to Luffy's room was opened to put the extra bed in, that Luffy was now nowhere to be found.

And although Nami slept better than she'd expected she would, even in her moments of wakefulness, she never heard him slip back in.


End file.
